


Brand New Feelings

by PineapplesForDays



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, M/M, McHanzo - Freeform, Minor Swearing, Shimada Spirit Dragons, Udon & Soba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 03:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11682780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PineapplesForDays/pseuds/PineapplesForDays
Summary: Hanzo has been with Overwatch for awhile now and one particular member is causing him to experience emotions he isn't familiar with. As he explores these feelings bad memories from his past are revealed.





	1. Chapter 1

Hanzo was sitting crossed legged on one of the couches in the common area holding a cup of tea and watching Jesse tell a story. He was telling it as much with his hands as with his mouth. Everyone in the room who was listening was listening with rapt attention. 

Hanzo wasn't listening to the actual story as much as he was watching Jesse. Hanzo had been on base now for close to a year and even though everyone here was friendly towards him his attentions had gotten stuck on the cowboy. 

Hanzo was aware whenever Jesse was in the same room and where in the room he was because he couldn't help watching him out of the corner of his eye. Jesse talked a lot and in the past people who wouldn’t shut up just led to irritate Hanzo, but not Jesse. When Jesse started talking and didn't take a breath for a good two minutes Hanzo found it endearing. 

This absolutely baffled him and it was something that had Hanzo's curiosity spiked. Being asexual, emotions towards others were not common and he had never felt this way towards anyone else before, man, or woman, and so Hanzo didn't quite know what to make of the emotions Jesse was making him feel. 

Hanzo found himself spending more and more time with Jesse trying to figure out what this specific set of emotions were. He found himself wanting to talk with Jesse. Hanzo couldn't remember going out of his way to talk to anyone, except his brother, so wanting to get to know the cowboy didn't make any sense. 

The flirting didn't make any sense either. Jesse flirted with everyone, Hanzo knew because he ended up watching Jesse whenever he was around. So, when Jesse would throw flirty remarks at Hanzo it shouldn't have had any effect on him, but it did.

Hanzo had been hit on before, mostly when he went out to bars with Genji. Hanzo knew he was attractive. Not in a narcissistic way but after you’ve been told enough times by strangers it tends to stick and every time it was just a burden. Something to be dismissed and forgotten. But not this. Hanzo didn't think he'd ever be able to forget Jesse at this point. 

Jesse's story was winding down now as he got to the end but Jesse's energy didn’t falter. This wasn't the first one of Jesse's stories Hanzo had heard and Hanzo had quickly realized Jesse had a knack for telling them. Watching him tell stories was one of Hanzo's favorite things to do lately. Hell, watching him do anything was one of Hanzo's favorite things to do lately. 

Jesse's story ended with a raucous round of applause and lots of whooping, even a whistle or two. Jesse bowed deeply as he chuckled at the attention. As everyone got back to their own thing Jesse came over and plopped himself next to Hanzo.

Hanzo could feel his cheeks redden just slightly at the close proximity and this was a reaction Jesse, and Jesse alone, could rouse from him. He couldn't remember the last time he blushed when someone got too close. Usually close proximity just resulted in an "accidental" elbow to the ribs. 

"Evenin' Hanzo, didja enjoy the story?" Hanzo took another sip from his mug to calm himself before speaking. "Yes, I quite enjoyed it. I think my favorite part was when you fell off the roof." Jeese laughed deep and genuine "I figured that'd be your favorite part." Hanzo smiled into his mug as Jesse's laughing quieted. 

They sat quietly for a moment before Jesse started talking again. Hanzo was enjoying himself and only when he looked up and noticed most everyone else had left the room did he realize just how long him and Jesse had been talking. He looked at the clock on the wall and noted the time, it was late, and he needed to get to sleep soon. 

Hanzo found himself reluctant to tell Jesse goodnight but once he could get a word in he did it anyway. Jesse was also a tiny bit shocked at the time, they both got up and headed out of the common room. 

They wound their way through the corridors and Jesse tipped his hat and told Hanzo goodnight when they had to go their separate ways. The corridor seemed too quiet as Hanzo made the short walk to his room. 

Hanzo's mind was busy trying to sort out everything with Jesse as he readied for bed. Hanzo considered Jesse a friend, that was obvious by how much time they spent together, but he got this feeling that 'friends' wasn’t quite right. He thought about Genji and how close they were. Hanzo would consider his brother his one true friend but every now and again Hanzo didn’t even want to be around Genji. 

That feeling had yet to come up with Jesse and Jesse talked even more than Genji did. Almost every emotion of his that was directed at Jesse were emotions that Hanzo was unfamiliar with and he was failing at figuring out what all of this meant. Still unsure of what was going on he went to sleep hoping that a fresh day might bring fresh ideas. 

The next morning Hanzo was sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and reading the paper when Jesse walked in. Hanzo had figured out awhile back that Jesse was quieter in the mornings. On most days Jesse would come and eat breakfast quietly while Hanzo read the paper. Today was much the same. 

Jesse leaned up against the counter next to the toaster while he waited for his frozen waffles to pop up. He sipped his coffee and asked if there was anything interesting in the paper. Hanzo told him a few of the headlines as he came to sit next to him with his waffles. Jesse made a hum of acknowledgment after each title then proceeded to eat his waffles quietly. 

Jesse was looking over Hanzo's shoulder and reading something when Genji came into the kitchen. Though Genji did not need to eat he often came down in the morning to sit with Hanzo and do crosswords. 

Jesse finished up his waffles and excused himself. Hanzo watched as he left and after Jesse was gone noticed Genji looking in his direction. "Good morning brother" Hanzo greeted him, Genji just continued to look at him. "Is something wrong?" Hanzo asked. "Why haven't you pushed Jesse away?" Hanzo just stared because he knew he had no answers. Genji knew about Hanzo's asexuality and therefore knew he didn't get close with people. 

"Usually if someone was paying you this much attention you would be putting up walls and making sure they knew their place and yet I walk into the kitchen and Jesse's chin is practically on your shoulder while you two read from the same paper and this isn't the first time I've noticed something off with you concerning Jesse. Lately you two are hanging out all the time watching movies, talking, or doing whatever else. I have only known you to be this friendly with me, brother." 

Hanzo knew exactly what Genji was talking about because it was all the same stuff Hanzo had been rolling around in his head for a while now. Hanzo sighed "I know what you are talking about brother, unfortunately, I have no answers. I have been trying to figure this out for quite some time and every time I think about it I come up blank." 

Hanzo set down his paper and turned his full attention to Genji. "I enjoy talking to him and I enjoy just how much he talks. I like when we can spend time together and when he sits too close to me. Every time he touches me its soothing instead of irritating and I just don’t know what is happening. This is not how I interact with people." 

Genji regarded him and though Hanzo couldn’t see his face he knew Genji was thinking. Hanzo waited for him to say something. "Have you considered that you have a crush on Jesse?" Hanzo scoffed "brother, that is absurd. I do not like anyone except you and I have never had a crush in my life." 

Genji's voice sounded amused "and yet I come down here and find you are quietly sitting next to Jesse McCree instead of me." Hanzo's brow furrows as he looks down at the table. Genji stands up "it looks like you have some stuff you have to sort through. I'll be in Training Room C with Angela if you need to talk to me about anything." Collecting up his crossword book Genji leaves the room and Hanzo is left alone. 

Hanzo cleans up his area before heading back to his room. He needs to work through his thoughts and he doesn’t want anyone to be able to distract him. He makes his way through the corridors on autopilot and as his door slides closed behind him he sits on the edge of his bed. 

A crush? On Jesse McCree? That isn't possible. Hanzo wasn't lying when he said he had never had a crush in his life. He never found anyone he wanted to be around for any length of time and had decided early on that he was going to live out the rest of his days with just himself and his Dragons. He didn't want or need a relationship of any kind. 

Hanzo had tried his hand at relationships when he was part of the Shimada Clan. He had had many dates and not one of the women he went out with interested him in any way, romantically or otherwise. After the fifteenth or so woman that he never wanted to see again Hanzo got concerned. 

He didn't understand why he felt this way towards others. Genji and most of the other clan members went out regularly and would come back bragging about having had slept with their date. Hanzo didn't even want to be in the same room as his dates let alone the same bed. He was starting to worry that maybe there was something wrong with him. 

Hanzo pushed through his feelings, he was determined that he needed to be like the other men of the clan. He even forced himself into situations that made him horribly uncomfortable. He went out several more times and even went as far as to invite two of the women back to his home but both times he did they would end up half naked on the couch and Hanzo couldn’t go through with it. 

Their lips felt wrong on his mouth and their hands across his body made his skin crawl. This only happened twice but word got back to the other Clan members that he couldn't seal the deal and they bullied him about it relentlessly. 

It got so bad that he paid off a woman to spread rumors that she had slept with him. It wasn’t perfect but it got the bullying to stop. When he found out he was going to be in an arranged marriage he was actually relieved because he wouldn’t get bullied more down the line when he couldn’t, or rather didn't want to, find a wife. 

The bullying was probably the most harmful part for Hanzo because the Clan members were extremely cruel. They'd made jokes that there was something wrong with Hanzo. 

"Man, I can't believe that the heir to the Shimada Clan can't even land himself a girl." 

"I bet he can't land a girl because he's got a tiny dick" 

"Or he can't get it up long enough" 

"Probably has some weird ass fetish none of the girls can handle" 

"Can only get it up if the girl pretends to be dead or some shit" 

"I bet he's got this dragon dong strap on he gives them and tells them to give it to him up the ass" 

Then they'd all laugh like they weren't crushing Hanzo with every word they said. 

One night a bunch of the Clan Members went out on the town to a strip club. Hanzo tried to excuse himself but the other men forced him to go. Said it'd be good for him, to help him, get him in some girls pants then he'd see how great it was. 

They paid for one of the dancers to take him to one of the private rooms. Again, he tried to leave but he couldn't, they all but pushed him into the room. Every time she touched him Hanzo felt like he was dying a little more and when she went to take off his pants he panicked and fled from the room. The other men laughed him out of the building. 

When Hanzo tried to explain that he did not enjoy sex the bullying got worse. 

"That's bullshit, no man right in his head is going to refuse a pretty girl who wants to sit on his dick" 

"You just need to go out and get yourself some ass then you'll see how great it is" 

"You've never even had sex so you can't know you don’t want to" 

"No one is going to want to date you if you aren't going to put out" 

"Come on, you just got to have one and you'll want them all" 

"You don’t want to screw her? You're screwed in the head then" 

They made him feel like he was broken, that there was something wrong with him and he spent many nights in his room with his Dragons crying or just trying to avoid everyone else. 

After Hanzo left the Clan he learned about asexuality and it helped him tremendously. Over time Hanzo healed but the damage done by the Clan was not so easily reversed and Hanzo had no one to talk to. However, he did have his Dragons, who stayed by his side through everything and with their support Hanzo came to accept himself. With time, meditation, and support from his dragons Hanzo was at peace with it. 

He no longer saw himself as broken or defective but in the end, he still decided he would never enter into a relationship. This hadn't been a problem until recently. Up until a few months ago Hanzo was happy to live out the rest of his days with his Dragons. That was before he met Jesse McCree and his whole world flipped sideways. 

Hanzo knew, now, what all of these unusual feelings were. He knew that Genji was right and he had developed his first crush and the term was accurate because he felt crushed. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to enjoy Jesse's company in the carefree way he had been but the idea of not being around Jesse anymore hurt. 

Entering into a relationship with Jesse was off the table too. He wasn't going to force Jesse to be celibate just because Hanzo couldn’t handle sex. He refused to do that to him. Jesse deserved more than Hanzo was capable of giving. 

Hanzo didn't think he'd be able to handle living on base with Jesse and not spending time with him. So Hanzo came to a decision, he would continue to spend time with Jesse on base. He would just dial back the touches and watching. Hanzo was sure the feelings would pass and they could settle into a friendship. 

A friendship would be perfect because it was just like a relationship but with no sex. Satisfied with his solution Hanzo went off to the Training Room to train with Genji and Dr. Ziegler.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo tries to reign in his emotions while Jesse let's his run free.

Over the next few weeks Hanzo continued to spend time with Jesse and he continued to get more comfortable around him. One night they were watching a movie and Jesse had his arms spread out over the back of the couch. Jesse fell asleep half way through and his arm fell off the back of the couch onto Hanzo's shoulders. Hanzo didn’t even flinch away, in fact, he snuggled closer into Jesse's side and continued to watch the movie. 

A day or two later while he and Jesse were sitting on the couch talking Jesse shifted and stretched before standing up from the couch. "Been sittin' he fer too long, can feel my joints seizin'. I'm gonna head out and go for a walk round base, wouldja like to join me?" Hanzo agreed and they headed off base. 

It was still warm outside from the heat of the day though the sun had set. Jesse had started talking as soon as they had started walking and had yet to stop. Hanzo was just smiling and interjecting here and there and he was happy. 

After a few more moments Jesse stopped talking. They walked along in silence, the night was quiet aside from the jingle of Jesse's spurs and Hanzo was happy to be here with Jesse. He was happy to be with someone else besides Genji and be at peace.

Hanzo kept his thoughts firmly in the friendship zone even as Jesse's hand swung right next to Hanzo's own. He felt himself wishing he could reach out and grab it but those were not friendship thoughts. Hanzo stuffed his hands into his pockets to make sure they stayed where they belonged. 

The silence stretched on for another few minutes. It was still comfortable silence but it was odd for Jesse to be quiet this long unless it was before nine A.M. "Not that I do not appreciate the quiet but it is unlike you to keep your words to yourself for so long." 

Jesse smiled at him before looking at the ground "oh it's nothin' darlin' just thinkin' about some stuff that isn't sorted out enough to voice." He was quiet for another minute "um, actually, the thoughts tumblin' round in my brain are why I asked you to walk with me tonight. I've got somethin' I wanna tell you and I don't want you to feel like you have to return my feelin's I just wanna get them out there." 

Hanzo tensed up at 'return my feelings' and his heart dropped. He knew where this was going and he did not want it going there but he kept quiet and let Jesse say what he wanted to say. 

"You an I have been spendin' quite a bit of time together and I've been really enjoyin' it, spendin' time with you that is. I just want to put out there that I think I like you as more than a friend. A lot more really and if you, perhaps, liked me more than that too then maybe we could have a bit of a thing between us. A thing where I can touch you and not be worried I'm crossin' a line or a thing where I can grab your hand while were walkin' along and you won't wanna stop walkin' with me." 

Jesse had been looking at the ground through all of this. He let out a long sigh and rubbed his hand over his eyes. He turned to look at Hanzo "What I'm tryin' ta get out is I'd love to be your boyfriend darlin', if you'll have me." 

Hanzo flinched at that word. Boyfriend. The one he'd been avoiding. He wanted it so bad but he couldn’t do that to Jesse. He was heartbroken and it showed on his face when he looked up to Jesse's searching eyes. 

Hanzo started "Jesse..." but Jesse could see the pain on Hanzo's face and immediately misinterpreted it. Hanzo wasn’t surprised, it made sense that he would in this situation. Jesse held up a hand to Hanzo "It's okay darlin' you don't have to explain yourself I understand. I just wanted you to know how I was feelin'." Jesse's face fell a tiny bit "I'm uh I'm gonna head back to base I'll, I'll see you around Hanzo." 

Hanzo watched him turn and head back the way he came. Hanzo felt like he was suffocating. He couldn’t believe he had just lost Jesse without ever having him in the first place. He had never been in a relationship and yet he now knew exactly what heartbreak felt like. 

He had to get away. He had to get to base and get to his room. He felt like a dam behind his eyes was about to give and the only creatures allowed to see him cry were his Dragons. He immediately turned and scaled the closest wall running across rooftops as quickly as he could so he could get back to base before the dam burst. 

He made it through the corridors without incident and as soon as his door slid closed he crawled into bed and hugged his pillow to his face. The tears came silently at first but then Hanzo let out a sob. After a moment Hanzo felt a familiar weight around him as his Dragons settled next to him. He curled himself up and stayed like that the rest of the night. 

The next day Hanzo spent the morning in his room and nobody bothered him. Once he was ready to face the world Hanzo got up and went to find his brother. Genji was in the common room sitting with Dr. Ziegler on one of the couches. Dr. Ziegler had her legs kicked up over his lap and they were watching a foreign movie with subtitles. 

Hanzo stood behind the couch and watched for a moment before he asked Genji if they could talk in Hanzo's room. The doctor moved her legs off of Genji and he stood, the two brothers left the room and made their way down the hall. 

Once they were safely behind closed doors Hanzo turned to Genji "brother, I do not know what to do." Genji waited for him to continue "you were right. I have a crush on Jesse but I do not want to and now Jesse has admitted he has feelings for me. I just want to be able to spend time with him without the threat of a relationship looming over my head." 

Genji regarded him coolly. "Brother, why are you so afraid of entering into a relationship with Jesse? If you know he likes you as much as you like him then just be with him." Hanzo groaned "I cannot do that! I am not capable of giving Jesse everything he deserves from a relationship! I'm b..." Hanzo stopped himself before he could finish that thought. He already knew he wasn’t broken but all of this with Jesse was opening old wounds. 

Hanzo was looking at the ground when Genji spoke again. "Is this all because you're asexual?" When Hanzo didn’t look up and didn’t speak Genji had his answer. "You do understand that just because you are asexual does not mean you cannot be in a relationship with someone else. Right?" 

Again, Hanzo said nothing Genji let out a sigh "all you need to do is be open about it with Jesse. I know Jesse and he will not reject you because of your asexuality. You are hurting yourself without reason. I understand you are scared, I remember what happened at Hanamura but you have put yourself in a box unnecessarily." 

Hanzo rolled Genji's words around in his head. Jesse wouldn’t reject him but was that a good thing or a bad thing? Hanzo needed time to sort this out. He looked up to Genji "thank you, brother, for your advice, I will think about what you have said." Genji stepped in and wrapped his arms around Hanzo. Hanzo returned the gesture as Genji spoke, "Not a problem brother, I'm here for you if you need to talk to me more later." Hanzo smiled and nodded. Genji left Hanzo's room and Hanzo flopped onto his bed. 

Jesse wouldn't reject him. He knew Genji was right but he didn’t know if that was a good thing. What if Jesse wanted to reject him but wouldn’t because he didn’t want to hurt Hanzo after he had already admitted to having feelings for him or seem like he was prejudice against asexual people? What if Jesse agreed to enter this relationship with him but was secretly miserable? How many times had he been told that no one would want him if sex was off the table? 

It was probably better this way. Jesse would get over him and he'd find someone who could give him a happy relationship with all of the necessary components. Jesse deserved more than Hanzo was able to give. So Hanzo would just keep his distance and that’s exactly what he did. 

Over the next two weeks Hanzo barely saw Jesse. Every time he would come into the room Hanzo would have an excuse to leave and every time Hanzo went into a room Jesse was already in he realized he'd forgotten something elsewhere on base. Hanzo even started drinking his tea and reading the paper in his room so he would not end up alone in the kitchen with Jesse. 

His plan to keep his distance was working and he was miserable. He didn’t cry anymore but he laid in his bed most days and just barely existed. He still trained but he made sure to use one of the back Training Rooms no one ever went in. Even training wasn’t as exhilarating as it had once been. 

Hanzo didn’t care about his own feelings though. This was all for Jesse. This was to show Jesse that he had to move on. That Hanzo wasn’t interested in him and Jesse's best bet was to forget about him. He felt like he was dying. 

Sleep had been hard to come by since Hanzo decided to stay away from Jesse. He made it a habit of wandering the halls or making tea at 3 am. One night he made his way to the kitchen to get yet another mug of tea but the kitchen wasn’t empty when he got there. 

A certain cowboy was sitting at the table staring into a half empty mug. When he heard Hanzo enter the room he looked up. The two men stared at each other for a second before Hanzo turned on his heel and made to leave. He stopped though when he heard a quiet voice "Hanzo, please, hold up a tick." 

He stood in the doorway with his back towards Jesse. "Why are you avoidin' me so much?" When Hanzo didn't answer he plowed on "I understand you don’t feel for me the same way I do for you but that doesn't mean you have to cut me out of your life completely." Still nothing from Hanzo " I never wanted to push you away I just wanted you to know. I know it was foolish of me, expectin' someone as brilliant and amazin' as you to feel the same for me, but I figured I'd try." 

He was quiet for a long moment after that, Hanzo stood stock still in the door trying to process all of Jesse's words. Jesse thought he was amazing and brilliant? He thought Hanzo didn't feel the same way for him? If only he knew how wrong he was on both counts. If anything, Jesse was the amazing one, at least he was able to admit his feelings without feeling like he was a burden to someone else. 

"Hanzo, I.... I miss you." His voice sounded so defeated and if Hanzo had any heart left in his chest it crumbled with Jesse's last words. Hanzo understood now that he wasn't helping either of them by staying away as he had been, Jesse was clearly just as miserable as he was. "I miss you too." The words were out before he was able to stop them. 

"Hanzo?" He heard Jesse's chair slide back as he stood up. "I am not as brilliant as you think I am." He turned to face Jesse but continued to look at the floor. "If I were brilliant I would have seen the pain I am putting you through by being unable to admit my own feelings for you. I thought I was helping you to forget about me by staying away but that doesn’t seem to be the case and I'm so tired of trying to stay away from you." 

Hanzo looked up at Jesse and noticed he had been moving forward while Hanzo was talking. "I am so miserable all the time. Everything seems duller and all of the things I enjoyed doing with you I no longer want to do without you. I miss you so much and I'm making you hurt just as much as I hurt. I am so sorry" Jesse was right in front of him now. 

Jesse reached out and wrapped his arms around Hanzo and Hanzo immediately did the same. He tucked his face into Jesse's shoulder and tried his hardest not to cry into his shirt. He felt Jesse lean his head down into the crook of his neck and Hanzo felt at ease. They stood there for a long time just holding onto each other. After what seemed like hours Jesse spoke, "Darlin' you don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that." 

Hanzo didn’t reply because an overwhelming sense of shame washed over him. He was screwed now. He didn’t tell Jesse about his asexuality and didn't plan on it. He felt so comfortable in Jesse's arms and he was not willing to give that up so soon. He knew the day would come when he would have to tell him but he was going to enjoy his time with Jesse until then. 

They stayed like that for a bit longer until Hanzo felt Jesse loosen his hold. Jesse looked down to him "so, will I see you in the morning?" Hanzo nodded, he was going to enjoy his time with Jesse. He was going to enjoy every minute right up until it came crashing down around him. 

Jesse pressed their foreheads together before letting go of him completely and wishing him a goodnight. Jesse left the room and Hanzo went to get his tea. He was glad he had been able to make Jesse happy but he still didn’t think he'd be sleeping much tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always appreciated just don't be a dick.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo can't see what is right in front of him and insists on pushing himself until he's about to break.

By the time morning rolled around Hanzo had barely slept but he got himself up anyway. He made his way down to the kitchen and when Jesse saw him his face lit up. Hanzo could feel himself break into a smile and he tried not to think about the end. He wanted to think about right now and how happy both he and Jesse were in this moment. 

Hanzo took his seat next to Jesse and Jesse reached out and gave his arm a light squeeze. He supplemented the touch with a "good mornin' darlin'" and Hanzo felt much better than he had in a while. They sat in silence and Hanzo was happy.

As they were finishing up Jesse asked if Hanzo would like to join him for a walk. Hanzo's mind flashed to what happened after their last walk but agreed anyway. They cleaned up in the kitchen and set out. 

It was still early and Jesse seemed to still be in quiet mode. As they walked along Hanzo's hand brushed Jesses and he reached out to grab it. He waited for Jesse to reject his hand and when it never came he relaxed. 

After a while Jesse spoke up "so it's nice to be able to spend time with you again." Hanzo hummed in agreement "but I keep thinking about something you said last night." Hanzo looked up to him questioningly. "You said that you were unable to admit your feelings for me before. What did you mean?" 

Hanzo kept the panic he was feeling off his face. He obviously couldn’t tell Jesse the truth. He wasn’t ready for the end but he didn’t have a backup reason to use because he wasn’t expecting the question. He hummed thoughtfully to give himself another second. 

"Well I have never really felt something like this for someone else before. When I figured out that I liked you it was a like a punch to the face and I was worried you would not accept me. After you admitted your feelings, new fears welled up and I figured you would not want to be with someone who had no experience with relationships. I decided the best way to deal would be to run away and hide my feelings." 

That was kind of the truth minus all of the messy bits, right? Well it was what Hanzo was going with because it was out there now and there was no way to get it back. Hanzo kept his eyes down as he waited for Jesse to say something.

"Darlin'… You know that's absurd, right?" Hanzo smiled to himself, it did sound kind of silly. "Rejecting you because this is your first relationship is just cruel and I would never do that to no one least of all you. Besides, if I'm your first boyfriend then I get to teach you all the best things about having a boyfriend", Jesse winked at him. 

Hanzo smiled up at him and was happy once more, crisis averted. Now he could go back to enjoying the weight of Jesse's hand in his. Jesse kept on talking, explaining all the benefits of having a boyfriend, as they walked. 

Over the next two weeks things continued much the way they had been before. Hanzo and Jesse's interactions were almost exactly the same with a couple of extra touches thrown in here and there. 

Hugs were new too but Hanzo didn’t mind. Every night before they would go to their separate rooms Jesse would wrap him up in a hug. With anyone else Hanzo would suffer through it until they released him but with Jesse he found himself clinging to him and breathing in his sent. 

He loved the way Jesse smelled. There was always a hint of smoke but he mostly just smelled like Jesse which was practically a drug for Hanzo. His smell was soothing and it, combined with Jesse's strong arms wrapped around him, made Hanzo feel safe.

It was during one of these goodnight hugs that Jesse popped the question. "Hanzo darlin'?" Hanzo hummed into his chest "would it be okay if I kissed you?" Hanzo tensed up and Jesse must've been able to feel it because he started rubbing his back and telling him it was okay if he wasn’t ready. 

Hanzo rolled the thought around in his mind for a moment. Every touch and look from Jesse only made him feel safe and happy which was the exact opposite of anyone else's touches. Hanzo recalled his experience with kissing and though it had been uncomfortable in the past maybe with Jesse it would be okay. 

Hanzo decided that if he wanted to keep this thing with Jesse going he was going to have to agree to some stuff that he wasn’t comfortable with before Jesse. Not to mention, he was curious to see if Jesse kisses would be just as enjoyable as Jesse hugs.

Hanzo pulled away from Jesse and looked up to him "I think I would be okay with you kissing me." Jesse smiled "you sure sugar?" Hanzo nodded before Jesse leaned down and pressed his lips to Hanzo's in a barely there kiss. Hanzo closed his eyes and braced himself for the disgusted feeling but it never came. Instead he was greeted with a soft warmth against his mouth. 

Jesse pulled back and Hanzo opened his eyes. Jesse was looking at him with a question in his gaze. "Was that okay darlin'?" Hanzo smiled at him "yes, Jesse, that was very nice." Jesse's face perked up slightly and a happy lithe had come back to his voice "I'm glad I wasn’t crossing any lines." Hanzo reached up to give Jesse another soft kiss before they both said their goodnights for the final time. 

As Hanzo prepared for bed he couldn’t stop thinking about his kiss with Jesse. It had been such a nice experience, he hadn't felt awkward or uncomfortable at all. He even kissed Jesse! That was a first for Hanzo, in the past it was always him getting kissed not him giving kisses. Hanzo fell asleep quickly content with his evening. 

After that kisses became more frequent. Now it was a hug and kiss goodnight and Jesse would try to sneak in kisses whenever he could. He'd kissed Hanzo once in the middle of the common room and must've been able to feel his discomfort and didn’t kiss him in front of others again after that. 

Jesse was amazingly good at being able to read Hanzo's body language. He could tell what touches were okay and when and if he felt Hanzo was uncomfortable he stopped. 

Jesse had also ventured to kissing other parts of Hanzo's body. Such as his temple, his wrists and Hanzo's favorite, his shoulders. He had kissed Hanzo's neck once but Hanzo tensed up, so Jesse moved to kiss his shoulder instead and apologized. There had been no more neck kisses. 

Hanzo was much more reserved with his lips, though he did find himself kissing Jesse more often then he thought he would. Hanzo found kissing Jesse to be calming. Jesse's skin was always warm and soothing under his lips and Jesse always looked so happy when Hanzo kissed him. Hanzo didn't exactly know what he was doing and mostly he just copied what Jesse did to him that he liked. Jesse seemed happy enough with it. 

Hanzo was happy with Jesse and Jesse seemed happy with Hanzo. Whenever Jesse would wrap him up in his arms he felt safe. Whenever Jesse would touch him or hold his hand Hanzo felt warm and content and whenever Jesse kissed him he felt something he had never felt before. 

He felt wanted but not in any kind of sexual way. He felt like Jesse wanted him to be around or wanted to be near him. Like if Jesse had to pick someone to spend the day with it would be Hanzo every time. 

Hanzo was the happiest he had been in a long time, so happy that he forgot about the more sexual parts of being in a relationship. He was reminded one night when Jesse took their goodnight kiss a step further. Jesse would usually grab three or four kisses before bed and his antics made Hanzo laugh but one of tonight's kisses was different. 

Jesse leaned in once, twice, then three times and on the third kiss he held it longer before he opened his mouth and ran his tongue across Hanzo's bottom lip. Hanzo wouldn't call the feeling unpleasant per se but it wasn’t what he was used to. He pulled back and looked up at Jesse wide eyed. 

Jesse immediately back tracked "I'm sorry sugar I wasn’t sure if you were ready or not. I should've asked instead of assumin' you were ready for the next step." Hanzo thought for a moment, he knew open mouthed kisses were a thing he had just been so lost in how happy he'd been with how things were between him and Jesse. 

Jesse hadn't made him uncomfortable he just surprised him. 

Hanzo thought about it "No, it is okay it is not that I am not ready I was just surprised is all. We can try it, if you would like, I just don’t know how good I will be at it. I have not really made out with anyone before." Jesse smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his forehead "It's not about what I want, it's about what you're comfortable with. I don't wanna do anythin' you aren't okay with." 

Hanzo wasn’t sure if he was ready for this or not but he figured he might as well get it over with seeing as how it was going to happen sooner or later. "I am comfortable with it" he lied and Jesse moved to let Hanzo go "if you're sure, then how about we move this party into my room?" Hanzo tried to keep his cool as his anxiety peaked. He nodded and Jesse took his hand and led him down the corridor. 

Hanzo was trying his best to stay calm even though his insides were twisted up tighter than his Dragons when they got playing. Jesse's hold on his hand was a calming warmth and before Hanzo lost control of his emotions they were at Jesse's room.

Jesse let go of Hanzo's hand to open the door and allowed Hanzo to enter before him. Once in the room Hanzo stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor. This was his first time in Jesse's room and he was trying to remember how to breathe. 

He watched Jesse as he took off his boots by the door and set his hat down on the desk. "Darlin', would you like to take off your shoes or anything?" Hanzo walked to the door and put his shoes next to Jesse's boots. Once he turned around Jesse was looking at him with concern on his face. 

Jesse was too good at reading Hanzo's body language, he knew something was wrong. He reached out and rubbed up and down Hanzo's arms "sugar if you're uncomfortable with this we can stop right now and wait until you're ready." Hanzo shook his head "just first-time jitters, I am okay" and he was trying to believe he was. 

Jesse pulled Hanzo over to the bed and they both sat down. Jesse grabbed both of Hanzo's hands and looked him in the eyes. "If you're sure you're ready to do this then I promise to go slow so you can get a feel for things." Hanzo nodded and Jesse tentatively leaned in. 

The first bunch of kisses were closed mouth kisses and they helped calm Hanzo down. Soon after, Jesse did the same thing he had done in the hallway. Again, it wasn’t unpleasant, exactly, nothing like when he had kissed those other women so long ago but Hanzo still wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He pushed on. 

With a sigh Hanzo opened his mouth too and allowed Jesse's tongue to skate along his lower lip again. He must've still felt tense because Jesse pulled back. "Is this okay? Because we can stop if you want." Hanzo shook his head "I do not want to stop I just have no idea what I am doing." Jesse chuckled "That's quite alright just follow my lead" Jesse leaned in once more and continued to move his tongue along Hanzo's lower lip. 

When Jesse withdrew his tongue Hanzo tried to do the same thing Jesse had done. It didn’t feel as awkward as Hanzo was expecting and Jesse's lips felt kind of nice under his tongue. Jesse kept this up for a moment longer before he slid his tongue further into Hanzo's mouth. 

Hanzo wasn’t liking that as much as the other thing but he pressed on and tried the same thing on Jesse. Hanzo was suddenly aware of where Jesse's hands were as they were slowly sliding up the skin of his sides under his shirt. 

Usually Jesse touching his skin was okay but Jesse's touches hadn't been so sexual up until now. The feel of his hands under Hanzo's shirt combined with the kissing that he wasn’t quite okay with had Hanzo all kinds of tense. He was just about to have to break away when Jesse pulled back first. 

His voice sounded more gravely than it usually did "sweetheart, were gonna have to stop before I have a bit of an, ah-hem, hard situation goin' on down here." Hanzo was grateful that Jesse had stopped it first because now Hanzo could continue to pretend this was fine. 

Jesse pulled Hanzo into a hug and spoke into his hair "thank you for allowing me to do this with you." Hanzo was still trying to calm down and didn’t quite trust his voice not to betray his true feelings so he nodded his head against Jesse's chest. 

Jesse pulled back and kissed Hanzo softly before standing up and pulling Hanzo up with him. "Would you like me to walk ya to your room darlin'?" Hanzo smiled up at him "I think I can manage." He walked over to the door and grabbed his shoes and when he straightened back up Jesse was behind him. He immediately wrapped his arms around Hanzos chest. 

Hanzo laughed and leaned his head back against Jesse "you know you are going to have to let me go, right?" Jesse sighed "I know I just don’t wanna, you make me so happy sweetheart." Hanzo felt his heart constrict, he knew this thing with Jesse was going to end soon and he wasn’t ready because Jesse made him happy too. 

What happened tonight was much more comfortable with Jesse than it had been in the past but Hanzo still wasn’t ready. Hanzo didn’t know if he'd ever be ready but he wanted to be so he could stay with Jesse. Hanzo had to get back to his room before he let his discomfort with the situation slip. 

He wiggled in Jesse's arms until the cowboy let him go. He turned to Jesse and pressed a quick kiss to his lips "you make me happy too but I have got to go for tonight." Hanzo pulled away from Jesse and slipped back into the hallway. 

He hurriedly made his way to his own room and promptly dressed for bed. He tried not to think too hard about what had happened in Jesse's room. He also tried not to think about what this meant for his and Jesse's relationship. Hanzo laid down and tried to get some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo reaches a breaking point and Genji helps him though the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this out but I am very close to the end so the last two chapters should be up much quicker.

Hanzo and Jesse had slipped back into most of their regular routine immediately although Jesse had started sneaking in little open mouthed kisses here and there. Hanzo was getting better at them and they didn’t make him feel anxious anymore. It wasn’t anything as extreme as that night in Jesse's room though just tongue against lip here and there. 

Hanzo was a bit more on edge now because he knew it wasn’t going to be long before Jesse became too much but he did his best to hide it. Jesse didn’t suggest they do anything more than what they had been doing for close to a month. 

He'd known that Jesse was going to want to try again at some point so when they were alone in the kitchen one night and Jesse dared to deepen their kiss a little bit Hanzo tried to keep the tenseness out of his body as he attempted to follow Jesse's lead.

That happened several more times over another month and Hanzo had been getting used to it and though it wasn’t his favorite thing to do it no long made him physically tense up. 

Jesse and Hanzo were pressed against the kitchen counter, kissing, one night when Lucio walked into the kitchen. He was looking down at the box of cereal in his hand singing a song about getting himself a bowl of cereal. 

Jesse stepped back and Hanzo turned away at the sound of Lucio's voice. Lucio looked at the two men with his hand halfway to the cupboard "umm am I interrupting somethin'?" Jesse put on an easy smile "naw, me an Hanzo were just on our way to bed." Jesse grabbed Hanzo's hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. 

Lucio called out "well, goodnight then guys" and went back to getting his cereal. Once they were down the hall a little way Jesse let out a chuckle "maybe we shouldn’t be doin' that in the kitchen anymore." Hanzo smiled and agreed. "If you'd like though we can go somewhere more private and try again." 

Hanzo tried to keep any physical reaction to himself as he put on a happy face. "That sounds like a good idea" he lied. He knew what was coming and he didn’t know how to stop it without stopping everything. He wasn’t ready for this to end and so he followed along. 

Jesse led them back to his room as Hanzo knew he would. This time followed much along the lines of the last time and Hanzo was more comfortable with the making out. Things got slightly more uncomfortable when Jesse started moving his hands under Hanzo's shirt again. Hanzo tried not to focus on it and moved his hands down Jesse's chest as he tried to follow what Jesse was doing. 

While focusing on the kissing and where Jesse's hands were Hanzo stopped paying attention to where his own hands were. They fell from Jesse's chest and into his lap without Hanzo noticing. Once his hands dropped he could feel something pressing up against Jesse's jeans and he froze up. 

His hands and lips stopped moving and his back went ramrod straight. It was too much and Hanzo couldn’t handle it. Hanzo knew what happened when men got erections, sex or something sexual soon followed and Hanzo was not ready. Jesse pulled back just as Hanzo jumped off the bed and put quite a bit of distance between himself and the other man. Jesse went to move towards him and see what was wrong but Hanzo quickly stopped him "Don't!" 

Jesse froze and Hanzo took a shaky breath "I was happy with you. I did not want the happiness to end but I cannot do this. I cannot give you all you deserve out of a happy relationship and I do not want you to have to settle for what I am capable of giving. Please just let me go and forget about me." 

Hanzo turned and ran out the door and to his room as quickly as possible. He could hear Jesse calling to him but he didn’t slow until his door was shut behind him. He tried to keep in the tears, he really did, but as the realization of what he had with Jesse was forever gone settled over him a sob racked his body. 

Hanzo felt like a young man back at Hanamura again and all of the taunts and teases from that time came flooding back to him. He slid down the door until he was on the floor and let the tears flow and the sobs rip through him. His Dragons curled around him but Hanzo could only focus on the cruel words from his past and everything he had lost tonight. 

The next day Hanzo didn’t come out of his room. At some point he had moved himself to the bed and that was where he stayed for the entire day. He was vaguely aware of pounding on his door and could hear what sounded like Jesse's voice on the other side. He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to know what Hanzo was talking about last night. He wanted to know why Hanzo told him to forget about him. 

After a while the pounding stopped. A couple hours later the pounding started up again although this time it sounded like Genji on the other side of the door. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know what happened between him and Jesse. He wanted to know if Hanzo was alright. 

All Hanzo wanted was to disappear into dust. 

The next day started out much the same way with Hanzo hiding himself away and Jesse, Genji, or Jesse and Genji pounding on his door. 

Hanzo didn’t know what time it was but it had to be pretty late in the day when his door opened. Dr. Ziegler and Genji stood on the other side. Genji turned to the doctor "I know you don’t like using the master code but thank you, Angie" then the door closed and it was just Genji, Hanzo and his Dragons. Genji sat on the edge of Hanzo's bed and was silent for a while. 

After some amount of time Genji started to speak, his voice sounded sad "I asked Jesse what happened. He told me that you two were in his room making out when you suddenly sprung away from him and told him 'you couldn’t do this' and 'to just forget about you'. He told me he had no idea why you reacted that way." 

Genji was quiet for longer this time before he spoke up again. "Brother, did you not tell him about your asexuality?" Hanzo just lied there while Genji waited for an answer. Hanzo's voice was rough from lack of use when he spoke "I could not." The room was silent again and stayed that way until Genji asked "what do you mean you could not? I told you to be open with Jesse, that he would accept you." 

"No, you said he would not reject me. Which was true, Jesse probably would not reject me even if he knew about my asexuality but would he not reject me because he wanted to or because he felt obligated to?" Genji started to speak "Brother, that makes no..." but was cut off. Hanzo sat up in his bed. "It makes no sense? Of course it makes sense. Jesse had already told me he liked me so if I told him I was asexual he couldn't exactly recant his previous statements after this new information was brought to light." 

"That's not what I..." Genji was cut off again "and he just looked so dejected when I saw him in the kitchen that night. So sorrowful over me and I was so miserable without him. I wanted to take his sadness away by admitting my feelings but all I did was delay the inevitable." Genji stayed quiet this time so as not to get interrupted again. 

"It was selfish of me because I knew Jesse could never be fully happy with me. So now I need to let him work through this sadness and get over me so that he can be happy in the future." Hanzo flopped back onto the bed and Genji waited another moment to make sure Hanzo was done. 

"What about your happiness, brother? Why are you so insistent that you must be miserable in order to make Jesse happy? The men and women here on this base are not the same as the men from Hanamura. They are accepting of everyone no matter how they come. All you need to do is tell Jesse about what makes you different and I know he will accept you exactly how you are now." 

Hanzo didn’t move "you cannot know what Jesse will do." Genji shook his head "I cannot know exactly what he will do but I spoke with him yesterday. I wanted to help him understand without telling him everything. So, I told him you had some bad memories from Hanamura and sexual acts didn’t come easy to you." 

Hanzo tensed up, he wasn’t mad Genji had told Jesse but, that was exactly what he didn’t want Jesse to know about. Hanzo waited anxiously for what Genji would say next. "Brother, he said that sex didn't matter as long as he could be with you and see you happy. Jesse doesn’t want to be with you because of sex, he wants to be with you because of you." 

Hanzo let out a shaky breath and Genji continued. "You're in here hurting yourself over this but you're also hurting him. Jesse has no idea what's going on or what he did wrong. He just wants to see you happy, just as much as you want to see him happy but you don’t seem to understand that you make him happy. You, just as you are." The two brothers sat in silence as Genji's words soaked into Hanzo's mind. 

Hanzo sat up in his bed and looked at Genji "He said he wanted to be with me even if I couldn’t give him a full relationship?" Genji shook his head "No, Hanzo you have to understand; you and Jesse can still have a full relationship even if you never have sex. Sex isn't essential to a relationship and you need to try and purge the horrible things the Clan said to you from your head. What you are able to give Jesse isn't less, it's just a different kind of relationship. A relationship based on love and trust, that doesn’t include sex, is still a full relationship." 

Genji was watching Hanzo now as he tried to fit this new information in with the old. Hanzo had been told for years that a relationship without sex was a waste of time because they wouldn’t truly be happy but what Genji was telling him was the complete opposite. 

If Hanzo thought about it, Genji was right. He and Jesse had been happy even without sex for months and Jesse had wanted to know if Hanzo was comfortable with what was happening the entire time they were together. Now that Hanzo thought back over the last couple months Jesse had never purposely done anything to make Hanzo uncomfortable, everything he did he checked with Hanzo first. 

Even that first night in Jesse's room, he was ready to put the brakes on everything as soon as he saw Hanzo was uncomfortable. Hanzo had been blinded to all of this because he was obsessing over what he couldn’t offer Jesse instead of what he could offer.

He might not be able to give him sex but he could still be there for him. He could love him and support him. Be there to cheer him up and comfort him. He would always cherish him and make sure he felt needed and wanted. If that was enough for Jesse then he wasn't going to doubt himself any longer. 

Hanzo got up from the bed and Genji stood too. Hanzo plonked his head on Genji's shoulder and Genji wrapped his arms around him. They stood like that for a minute until Hanzo said "thank you, brother, I think I need to go talk to Jesse." 

Genji let him go "I think that would be a wise idea. He is waiting for you in his room." Hanzo nodded his head and both men exited the room. Genji turned to him "I will be around if you need me for anything" Hanzo nodded again and Genji moved off as Hanzo turned towards Jesse's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I am looking for a beta if anyone is interested for anything I might write in the future.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo and Jesse have a long needed talk.

Hanzo stood in front of Jesse's door for a minute before knocking lightly. Jesse opened it almost immediately and when he saw Hanzo he reached out to grab him before stopping himself and standing there waiting to see what Hanzo was going to do. Hanzo looked up from the ground "may I come in?" Jesse stepped aside and Hanzo walked into the room. 

Both men were silent for a moment after the door closed. Hanzo began in a quiet voice "I am sorry for the pain I have been putting you through." He looked away. "My past had led me to believe things that were not exactly true and I was allowing that to cloud my mind instead of seeing what was right in front of me. You have been so good to me and I have been dishonest with you." 

Hanzo took a deep breath and continued "I was not unable to admit my feelings for you because this is my first relationship. I was unable to tell you because I was afraid I would not be able to give you everything you deserved from a relationship." Jesse just watched him as he waited for Hanzo to say everything he needed to. 

Hanzo looked up into Jesse's eyes "Jesse, I... I am asexual." Jesse, apparently, couldn’t hold back any longer because he sprung forward and wrapped Hanzo in a hug burying his face in Hanzo's shoulder. "Oh darlin' that doesn’t matter to me none. I love you for you and I'm happy with any and everythin' you are able to give me. I want to be with you so bad I don’t even care if you tell me I can only hold your hand for the rest of my life I would live the rest of my days a happy man just to be in your company." 

Hanzo had his face pressed into Jesse's chest and the tension he had been holding in his body since he left his room dissipated with Jesse's words. He was so relieved his legs might've given out but Jesse was there to hold him up anyway. Jesse pulled back and looked into Hanzo's eyes 

"Sweetheart, I don’t want you to think you ever owe me anythin'. I don’t know what lies the clan filled your head with back at Hanamura but I will never expect you to give me somethin' that you can't or don’t want to. I am here for you, not what you can do for me and I never ever want to do somethin' that makes you uncomfortable. I will always check with you before we do anythin' just as I have been and I want you to be honest with me at all times. Please, Hanzo, don't lie to me because you think it is what I want because I don't want anythin' you are not ready to give." 

Hanzo felt the tears welling up in his eyes and he pressed his face back to Jesse's chest. "Thank you so much Jesse, you will never know what those words mean to me. I am so relieved that you do not hate me." Hanzo's delivery was a little muffled seeing as how he had spoken all the words into Jesse's chest but he knew Jesse had heard him. 

Jesse leaned his cheek down on Hanzo's head "sweetheart, I could never find it in myself to hate you even if you decided you didn’t want to be around me another second and left me in this room alone." Hanzo choked out a laugh "As if I could ever leave your side." 

They stood together like that for a long time until Hanzo pulled back. "I am truly sorry for any pain I put you through because of my skewed beliefs and I hope you can forgive me. I promise to be truthful with you about everything from now on." Jesse smiled "of course I forgive you and I do hope you are truthful with me because makin' you uncomfortable is somethin' I never wanna do. Speakin' of, am I still allowed to kiss you?" 

Hanzo pressed up and placed a kiss to Jesse's lips. "Yes, your kisses are one of my favorite things but can we, maybe, not do... deep kisses for right now?" Jesse's face lit up and he pressed a kiss to Hanzo's lips before putting one on each cheek and his forehead. 

Hanzo laughed and Jesse was chuckling when he spoke. "Darlin' if that's what you want then that's what I'll give. I will allow you to take the lead from here on out and I will only do what you are comfortable with for however long you need." Hanzo beamed at him and the crushing weight that had been in his chest since that first night in Jesse's room was gone. A happy and light feeling replaced it and Hanzo felt okay again. 

Jesse held Hanzo tight and the two men stood like that for a few minutes before Jesse spoke again in a soft voice. "After that night in the kitchen when you and I started datin' Genji talked to me about you. He told me that you were gonna be in an arranged marriage back Hanamura and that you didn’t really date because you saw no point. 

"He told me to be careful and to progress the relationship slowly because you might agree to stuff you were not comfortable with just to please me. After that first night in my room when you dismissed your anxiety as first time jitters but you seemed to get more tense as we continued I knew what Genji had told me was true. That’s why I backed off and tried to give you time to acclimate to what was happenin'. 

"I only wanted you to be comfortable. If that means stoppin' any sort of progression entirely and continuin' to do what we've been doin' then I would do that for you for however long you need. I only want you in this relationship, anything else is just a bonus."

Hanzo had been surprised at Genji's lack of input the whole time he had been with Jesse. He wasn’t surprised Genji had said something and that would explain why Jesse was taking this so slowly. Hanzo was glad Genji had been trying to protect him from himself without telling Jesse anything too serious. 

After another few minutes of comfortable silence Jesse spoke again "are you ready to face the world yet?" Hanzo smiled up at him "with you by my side I am ready to face anything" Jesse pressed a kiss to his forehead again "but first I want to be 100% honest with you" Jesse looked a little confused but allowed Hanzo to continue. "If you want to know, I will tell you what happened all of those years ago in Hanamura." 

Jesse looked concerned "I know what I just said about always bein' truthful with me but I don’t want you to tell me this unless you're sure you want to. You don't owe me an explanation and you don’t have to share with me anythin' if you aren't ready." Hanzo just smiled at him before moving away to sit on the edge of Jesse's bed. "I am sure I want to share this so you know why I acted the way I did. It is not an excuse for my actions but it will help you see the whole picture." Jesse sat next to him and took Hanzo's hands into his own as Hanzo started his story. 

He told Jesse everything from the dates he had gone on, to the women he took home, and from the Clan members finding out, to what happened at the strip club. He even told Jesse some of the things they said about him and as he continued he could see Jesse's face getting sadder but it had an angry undertone. Once he had told Jesse everything they sat in silence, Hanzo staring at their joined hands. "That's everything. That's why I thought we could never really be together. I know, now, it is not true but I did not realize before." 

Jesse dropped Hanzo's hands and before Hanzo could look up Jesse had his arms around him again. "I'm so sorry that you were forced to endure that kind of hate for so long. If it were up to me I would track down every single person who had said or done those horrible things to you and show them exactly what Peacekeeper was capable of. 

Hanzo chuckled “it’s always good to know you would be willing to kill for me.” Jesse snuggled his face into the crook of Hanzo's neck. Hanzo could feel Jesse's beard rub against his jaw line as he rumbled into his neck “darlin' I’d do anything for you.” Hanzo turned his head and kissed Jesse's cheek. 

Hanzo let out a happy sigh. He was so comfortable here in Jesse's arms that he accidentally voiced what he had been thinking. “I love you” he whispered, the words had slipped out before Hanzo even knew what he was saying and he froze up again. He wasn't sure if Jesse had heard him and he wasn't sure if that was okay to say yet. Jesse let out a content hum “I love you too darlin’.” Hanzo relaxed and held onto Jesse, they stayed like that for a long time. 

By the time they pulled away from each other the sun had set. Jesse stretched and stood holding out a hand to pull Hanzo up from the bed "if you've been locked up in your room since the night fore last you’ve gotta be starvin' darlin', do you wanna go grab somethin' to eat?" Hanzo nodded his head and the two headed out. 

They made their way down to the kitchen hand in hand. Jesse set to work making food for them as Hanzo got some tea. It'd been so long since his last cup he was starting to go through withdrawal. Jesse talked as he cooked and Hanzo stood next to him watching Jesse as he put all of the ingredients together. 

It didn’t take long for Jesse to finish up and once he was done he and Hanzo took their food into the common room to watch some tv while they ate. After all the food was gone the two men stayed snuggled up on the couch for a while longer. 

Jesse had his head resting on the arm of the couch and his legs up on the cushions and Hanzo was laying on his chest between his legs. Hanzo had started dozing off, full and comfortable. After a bit Jesse shook him awake "Darlin' it's late we should be heading to bed." Hanzo made a noise and buried his face into Jesse's chest. 

When Jesse chuckled Hanzo could feel it rumble through his chest. Jesse wrapped his arms a little tighter over his back, rubbing soft circles there. Jesse didn’t move and so Hanzo dozed off again. 

Again, Jesse was rousing Hanzo "sweetheart we really gotta get to bed, if we sleep in this position we will really regret it in the mornin'." Hanzo turned his head and looked up Jesse's chest at him "I suppose you are right." Hanzo started to move, reluctantly, Jesse was really comfortable but he knew that sleeping like this would not end well so he got up. 

After Hanzo got up and Jesse moved into a sitting position Jesse spoke again "you know, since we are datin', we could sleep in the same bed, if you'd like." Hanzo had been cleaning up their dishes, he set the plates back down and regarded Jesse "are you sure that would be okay?" 

Jesse pushed himself off the couch and wrapped his arms around Hanzo "Darlin' nothing would make me happier than to wake up next to your beautiful face." Hanzo smiled into Jesse's chest "if that is the case then I think I would like that." 

Jesse released him and Hanzo grabbed the dishes and moved them into the kitchen. Jesse flipped off the tv and followed him. He waited as Hanzo washed their dishes. Once he was finished Jesse grabbed his hand and they made their way down the hall. 

When they got to the spot they usually said goodnight Jesse slowed "so, sugar, who's room we takin'?" Hanzo looked up to him "your room will be fine but I need to grab some things out of my room so head on down and I will be there in a moment." Jesse tipped his hat and turned towards his room. 

Hanzo brushed his teeth and grabbed some clothes before leaving for Jesse's room. He knocked on the door and Jesse answered with a toothbrush in hand. "Come on in sugar I'll be ready here in just a moment." 

Once Jesse was done in the bathroom Hanzo went in to get changed. When he came back out Jesse was only wearing a pair of sleep pants as he pulled the blankets down the bed. "I usually sleep with my shirt off, is that okay?" Hanzo nodded and walked over towards Jesse "alrighty then, if you're all set we can get to sleep darlin'" Hanzo wrapped his arms around Jesse and Jesse returned the embrace with a kiss to the top of Hanzo's head. 

They let each other go and Jesse motioned towards the bed. Hanzo took the hint and crawled up with Jesse following right behind. After a bit of wiggling and shifting the two men found a comfortable position with Hanzo's head resting on Jesse's chest and Jesse's arm wrapped tight around Hanzo. 

Jesse pressed one last kiss to Hanzo's lips. He whispered "good night darlin' I love you" before turning off the bedside light. A smile spread across Hanzo's face in the dark "I love you too, Jesse." He snuggled down into the broad, furry chest beneath him content and comfortable. 

Hanzo was pretty sure Jesse had fallen asleep before he did and listening to the soft even sound of Jesse's breathing accompanied with the feel of his chest rising and falling under him lulled Hanzo to sleep in no time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dash of dragons and a pinch of brotherly bonding with just a smidgen of McHanzo adorableness to wrap up this story.

Hanzo woke to Jesse calling out his name. Hanzo groggily opened his eyes and looked at Jesse who had a blue dragon wrapped around his head, sleeping on his pillow. Hanzo shifted and looked down the bed to find another blue dragon curled up in the space between the two men. 

"So, sugar, um this is new for me. What exactly is happening here?" Hanzo smiled, waking up with his dragons curled up around him was something Hanzo had been doing most of his life but Jesse had never met Udon and Soba before. Most of the other agents on base didn’t even realize the two dragons that sometimes aided him in battle had physical forms. 

Hanzo motioned towards the dragon in between them "Jesse, this is Soba" then he pointed at the dragon around Jesse's head "and that is Udon." Jesse still looked a little lost "now I don’t mean to be rude but what exactly are Udon and Soba?" His dragon's names sounded adorable said in Jesse's drawl and Hanzo laughed "they are my dragons, Jesse." 

Jesse shook his head a tiny bit "okay, so, what you're tellin' me is, the mighty, fearsome, beasts that emerge from your arrow and rip through the battlefield are the same creatures curled up in my bed?" Hanzo nodded "that is pretty much it." 

Jesse still looked a little unsure "but they look nothing like the dragons I've seen on the battlefield." Hanzo couldn’t stop smiling, this was amusing to watch and just a little bit adorable "They are able to change size and appearance. They prefer to keep this smaller size and softer appearance so as to not scare people unnecessarily." 

Jesse glanced up at Udon "uh huh" he moved his head a bit to look up at Udon. The motion disturbed the dragon, who stretched and settled back around Jesse's head. Jesse turned his warm eyes to Hanzo "so can I uh, touch them?" Hanzo was still smiling and simply nodded his head. 

A hairy arm reached out from under the covers and he reached down before gently running one finger over Soba's head. Soba pushed his head against Jesse's finger before snuggling back down. The look on Jesse's face was one of amazement. 

Jesse ran his finger over Soba's head a few more times and the dragon started making a happy noise very similar to a purr. While Jesse had been petting Soba Hanzo reached his hand up to pet Udon who started to move a bit over Jesse's head. 

If Hanzo was being completely honest this was kind of why he chose to sleep in Jesse's room. He was curious what his Dragons would do when they found he was not in his bed. He wanted to see if they would sleep there without him or manage to find him. 

Looks like it was option B though Hanzo wasn't surprised. The two men moving on the bed had started to rouse the dragons and they were becoming more awake by the minute. Udon had crawled down and was sitting on Jesse's chest staring at him and Soba was rubbing up against Hanzo's hands. 

After a couple seconds of Udon's staring Jesse looked to be getting a little nervous "darlin' why is Udon staring at me?" Hanzo reached out a hand to run down the length of Udon's body "I am going to be honest with you, he is most likely judging you." Jesse let out a nervous chuckle "Should I be concerned sugar?" 

Hanzo's petting did not dissuade the dragon who continued to stare "No, I do not usually get close with people who are not Genji so Udon is just trying to see if you are a threat." Udon had apparently passed its judgement on Jesse and decided he was okay because it crawled over to Hanzo. 

Jesse let out a breath of air and turned to Hanzo "So is this going to be a regular thing if I continue to sleep with you?" Hanzo looked away from the dragons laying on his chest and looked to Jesse "probably" Hanzo's gaze returned to the dragons before he trained his eyes on Jesse once more "is that going to be a problem?" 

Hanzo had never been bothered by the small creatures sleeping in his bed but he realized now Jesse might have a different opinion. Jesse chuckled and reached a hand to stroke Udon's head "Absolutely not sweetheart, in fact, I think the little guys are adorable." Udon had left Hanzo to lay with Jesse and the small dragon curled up on Jesse's chest while Jesse continued to pet it. 

They laid there a while longer playing with the dragons and having them get used to Jesse before they moved to get up. The dragons crawled onto the bed behind them and curled up together. "They will probably leave after I leave and head back to my room." Jesse pet their heads again "I don’t mind sugar they ain't botherin' me none." 

The two men got up and got dressed before heading out to get breakfast hand in hand. After the door slid shut behind them Udon perked his head up and looked around the room before nudging Soba and scampering off. 

It was later in the morning when they got to the kitchen so they weren't the only ones there this morning. Several other agents were moving around getting coffee or their choice of breakfast. Hanzo made his way through the kitchen to get his cup of tea. While he was waiting for the water he noticed someone was standing next to him at the counter. 

He turned and was met with the green glow from his brothers face plate "when you are done with your tea I'd like to talk with you." Hanzo nodded his head and Genji moved off to stand near Dr. Ziegler. 

Hanzo found himself feeling a tiny bit nervous to talk with his brother because Genji had been right about the whole thing with Jesse and Hanzo was slightly ashamed he hadn't taken his brothers advice from the beginning. Genji was not one to say I told you so about something like this but Hanzo still knew he had been in the wrong. 

He finished making his tea, told Jesse he was going to talk with Genji, and found his brother. The two men left the room and after they were a safe distance from the other agents Genji spoke up. "So, it would seem that you and Jesse talked it out." Hanzo was looking at his feet "yes I told him I was asexual and Jesse agreed to move at my pace and to not pressure me to do anything I am not comfortable with." 

Genji was quiet for a moment and they turned into a lesser used common room and settled onto the couch. "I figured Jesse would not be one to pressure you but im glad you were finally able to talk with him." Hanzo nodded his head "I am sorry, brother, for not taking your advice right from the beginning. I allowed the things from my past to cloud my judgement and not allow me to see the wonderful thing I had right in front of me." 

Genji shook his head a bit "it isn't all your fault either you were forced to endure Hanamura and then you didn’t have a friend you trusted enough to talk about what had happened. It's understandable that your perceptions of relationships were skewed. I'm just glad it was able to work out for you in the end I only wish it hadn't taken you going through so much pain to get here." 

Both brothers were quiet for a moment and Hanzo sipped his tea as he thought about what to say next. "I appreciate what you did for me when Jesse and I first started dating. Jesse told me about what you told him about progressing things slowly. I am glad that I have a friend who cares enough to try and save me from myself." 

Genji set a hand on Hanzo's shoulder "of course brother, I only wanted you to be happy and I knew you could have happiness under the right circumstances." Hanzo nodded "Jesse makes me happy and it is such a relief that he accepts me as I am" Hanzo pauses a moment "I actually slept in his bed last night." 

Genji turns to him "and you were comfortable?" Hanzo nods again "when we woke up Udon was curled around his head and Soba was sleeping between us." Genji laughed "that must've been an interesting thing to wake up to." Hanzo grins "Jesse was incredibly confused he didn’t know what they were or why they looked so small as opposed to when we're on the battlefield." 

Genji laughed again "after a moment, though, he started to pet them which woke them up and then Udon sat on his chest for at least 2 minutes and just stared at him. Jesse got nervous and asked if he should be concerned but after Udon moved away Jesse got along great with them." 

Genji's laughing quieted "I am so happy for you brother, I hope you the best from here on out and hopefully you’ve leaned you need to be honest with Jesse." Hanzo looked away "I have, I will not make the same mistake again." Genji nodded and stood. Hanzo followed him out of the room and the brothers chattered as they made their way back to the kitchen. 

Over the next few weeks Hanzo and Jesse's relationship continued and Hanzo was happy. They hadn't gotten anywhere near sex again but Jesse seemed just as happy as Hanzo was. On the one occasion Hanzo brought up how patient Jesse was being he dismissed the thought "I just want to be with you and nothin' else. I will wait for you till the ends of the earth if I have to. Don't worry bout me, I'm happy with whatever you're comfortable with." 

Hanzo was grateful for Jesse because he could've made this 100 times worse for Hanzo instead he was nothing but supportive of him from the beginning. He was grateful for Genji too because without his help Hanzo probably would've never gotten to where he was now. 

Hanzo had pretty much taken up residence in Jesse's room and they had slept in the same bed every night since the first. Udon and Soba also seemed to have moved into Jesse's room because they had been found hanging out there on several occasions when Hanzo had only seen them in his room prior. 

Jesse didn’t seem to mind all the new residents in his room and Hanzo had found him playing with the dragons on many occasions. Jesse and Hanzo were happy together and Hanzo had heard their relationship be described as 'the sweetest thing' by several of the other agents including his own brother. 

Hanzo rarely thought about what the beginning of their relationship was like and instead focused on how wonderful everything was now. He thought himself foolish to have believed he could never be in a happy relationship and was glad he had learned better since then. Hanzo now looked forward to many days spent in Jesse's calming presence and warm embrace. Hanzo was the happiest he had been in a long time, maybe ever, and he wouldn’t change a thing.


End file.
